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In summation, I’d like to issue a blanket apology to everyone who seemingly does not have a sense of humor, including but not limited to: bluntnosed suckers, Wolf Blitzer, ear ringed teenagers, Dr. Spock, tofu lovers, members of the Denver Dumb Friends League, spotted owls, Ted Turner’s ex-wife, golfers, prune eaters, bald women, mules, Jesse Jackson, daytime TV hosts, poultry pluckers, New Yorkers, cat lovers, latte drinking baby boomers, rappers, residents of Gas, Ky., city slickers, and anyone else I may have offended in the past or, no doubt, will in the future.
Caution: If further apology is needed adapt the following passage to your needs.
SQUADRON APOLOGY LETTER
MEMORANDUM TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
FROM: Squadron Apology Officer
SUBJECT: Blanket Apology Letter
1. The members of this Squadron apologize for the following reasons:
( ) Golfing while intoxicated (GWI)
( ) Bowling while intoxicated (BWI)
( ) Walking while intoxicated (WWI)
( ) Singing while intoxicated (SWI)
( ) Singing the S & M Man/Blow Job In The Bar
( ) For stealing your squadrons mascot
( ) Playing rodeo with the wing commanders wife at the club
( ) Getting noise complaints from the dinning room on Friday night
( ) Missed dental appointment
( ) Not wearing a hat from our car to the club.
( ) Pissing off the security police for___________ again!
( ) Giving shit to non-singing shoe clerks at the club
( ) Throwing glasses in the fireplace at the Stag Bar
( ) Giving the O'Club manager a "swirly" for giving shit to fighter pilots
( ) To our "Bitches" for every Friday night
( ) To the hotel management for convention buffoonery
( ) For plagiarism in order to write fighter pilot songs
( ) Blanket apology (To be marked only when apologizing for Squadron actions in advance for
the next six month period)
JOE SHIT, the Rag Man Squadron Apology Officer